El timo del banco africano (III): ¿Pero aún no se han dado cuenta?

Farfisa-Rabiza-Nafissa, mi timadora africana de cabecera, se lanza:

my dear,

how are you doing today? i hope all is well with you,i received your mail and address you sent to me, dear i all so want you to be truthfull and honest to me like i am to you when the money get's into your bank account please, in other hands i want you to help me and stand on my behalf in area of transferring the money that my late father deposited in the bank some years ago which he made me the next of kin in to your bank account OK.

My dear i will like you to contact the bank with this contact details below,tell them that you want to know their requires on how to transfer the money into your bank account because i have send a nomination letter to the bank now on your behalf for them to know that you are the person that will stand on my behalf during the transfer and they are now waiting for you to contact them as my trustee/partner, please contact the bank quick for verification. Here is the contact information of the bank. DEPOSIT DETAILS.

Name Of the Depositor: DR.JOHNSON BAW
Ref Number:ITB / N°.. CAD/897521/XI/00
Account Number..( 66699269198 )
Account Type(escrow fixed deposite)
Total Deposit ( USD $ 7,4000,000.00 )
Date of deposite...14/09/1998
Place of deposite...LIBERIA
Next of kin:Miss NAFISSA JOHNSON BAW

BANK DETAILS
Bank Of Africa ( B.O.A )
Av. Leopold Sedar Senghor.
BP 1992 RP - Dakar
Siège Social.
---------------------------------------------
Agence Zone Industrielle
3-5 route de Rufisque.
Dakar Senegal
Phone (+221- ) 765313071
FAXNUMBER: (+221- ) 33 894 54 05
Email ; boa.cust.service@mybestmail.com
Email ; boa.customer.service@oued.org

CONTACT PERSON: Mr. Maxwell Richard/Head of Operations

Director International Remittance Department. Here is the information which my late father used to deposite the fund.Next of kin Miss Nafissa Baw, Deposited Dr. Johnson Baw,Date 14/09/1998,Country of Origin from republic of Liberia,Amount deposited ( USD $ 7,4000,000.00 ),Seven Million Four Hundred Thousand USD,The account number ( 66699269198 ) .

Please my dear discuss with the bank on how they will transfer the money into your bank account ok.
I will be waiting for your quick respond as soon as you contacted the Bank.Thanks and God Bless you.
Nefissa Johnson Baw .

Evidentemente, he de contactar con su «banco» para darles mis datos bancarios reales a cambio de los suyos falsos. Ahora dudo si dejo la bromita o me pongo en contacto con los banqueros, lo que supondría bifurcar el hilo de la conversación...
[Continúa...]

Hi my deariest deary dear Farfisa,

I'm really sorry I couldn't write you earlier. As you probably know if you read the newspapers, I was all the week in the German Democratic Republic signing books in the Stasi Bookshops chain and supporting the Berlin Wall, so I was really busy, but wishing all the time to come back and write to you. I will scan and send you the article Gorvachev wrote last week in Pravda about my literary work. I'm sure you'll be really proud of having a love affair with such an important writer as I am. I'm wishing to begin with the operations, but as you were told, my artistic agent, Mr. Goethe, is a bit suspicious, and he thinks you're just after my money because you know I am a famous and rich writer, and you just want the profits of my best selling books. I do not think so, though. I think you're a sweet trustful little person who deserves to be loved and bukkaked. Have I told you that I've already bought you a designer latex suit with holes estrategicaly disposed over it for our future watergames when we meet in my house in Oz. I hope it is your size. Anyway, it's not me who must be convinced, but Mr. Goethe, and I think we should appeal to his feelings. I think that a picture of you holding a sign that says "I am completely honest" in German will be enough. ("I am completely honest" means "Ich bin eine Dreckshure" in German".

Please, let your bankers know where to contact me, either my phone, my agent in UK or my email.

Love,

Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra

Por lo pronto justifico el pasar olímpicamente de sus requerimientos, no sin antes soltar una buena tanda de gilipolleces. Vamos, si me quiere encontrar en mi casa de Oz, con que siguiera el camino de baldosas amarillas le hubiera bastado, ¿no?

My dear,
thank you very much for your mail, i am very much happy to have seen your concern towards me, its also so sad that you allowed some around you to bring misunderstanding among us, i am sorry i am not in here to please any body but you that i know and also if you belive that i am contacting you for your wealth, then forget about me, because that does not make me feel that you are the right person for me, as you may know i am really suffering here, life have refuse to pay me a good visit, on the fund with the bank, i want you to know that you are the one to contact the bank not the bank to contact you, the bank has nothing to loose they will be there to wait for us not us waiting for them, please if you reallky want to help me, contact the bank by writting them a mail asking them the formalities on how to claim and transfer my family fund to your position, also understand that if you wish to come down here and do this transaction face to face with the bank, do also let them know as they promise that if my partner wishes to come they can asist you with invitation letter that will enable you obtian your visa in any senegalise embassy around you, also they will lodge you in there guesss house during your stay here for this transaction.

hope to hear that you have contacted the bank
thanks
kiss
Nafissa

Ehehehe, ¡quiere que vaya a Senegal! Seguramente querrán desvalijarme en persona. Es que en el fondo son entrañables. Pues no vamos a quitarles la ilusión, ¿verdad?

Dear Farfissa,

Please, don't misunderstood me. I really trust you with all my heart and my soul, but as I told you before, I have some "mental problems" and I must spend times interned in an instititution, and due this matter people think I am trustworthy enough. One of those people is my editor, who has some influence over me, because he can talk with my therapist and enlarge my stances in the institution (where I don't want to be at all).

You should know that I'm really interested in making you leave your actual location, not only for bukkaking you, but for making you my wife and therefore legally resposible of me, so I will have to stay in the instituition never ever and we will expend together my money in BDSM stuff for neverending sessions of bizarre and painful intercourses.

My editor doesn't control my email, but a nurse does, and I'm pretty sure she tells him everything I do. If I contact your bank with animus iocandi myself, he will get nuts and I don't want him to be angry with me, because he will not bring me anymore to Ankh-Morpork, that is the most remarkable place ever. (I promise you I'll bring you there to the Mended Drum bar, where everybody will be really pleased to engage a gang bang with you).

I indeed love you because you are the only person who understood me and didn't judge me by my mental wealth but by my huge phallus, and for that reason I thought you would understand that there're things that depend more in other people than on me. One of them are my personal relationships with who rs. I am sure that a stulty girl like you will understand and will help me with these little problems.

On the other hand, maybe we can arrange a book signing day for my books there, so I can go in person as you sugested and charge every expense to my editorial. I think that it could be awesome, don't think so? I think maybe it is the best solution, I will call my editor and ask for a promotional tour in Africa. How are my books selling there? In Europe, USA and Betelgeuse they're selling amzingly good, but I have not information about Senegal. Can you go to a book shop for I have some information for discusing with my editor the travel? I will bring the designer latex suit with holes strategicaly disposed I bought you for having good BDSM from the beginning! I'm really excited!

Looking forward for your answer,

Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra

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7 heures du matin

Jacqueline Taïeb nació en Tunez, aunque muy pronto emigró a Francia con sus padres. Allí despuntó a temprana edad en la música, y allí grabó composiciones como este genial 7 heures du matin (1966, Impact). Los músicos británicos que la acompañan, le dan un aire mucho más contundente del que era habitual para otras cantantes yeyés. Esto, junto a una letra cargada de guiños a la música pop, hace de éste un tema muy especial.

La canción tuvo repercusión en el Reino Unido y Fontana distribuyó el single. Su cara B era una versión en inglés titulada 7 A. M., que no ha llegado a hacer sombra a la original en francés.

Hoy, Jacqueline Taïeb sigue actuando esporádicamente, y es una cantante imprescindible de los recopilatorios de cantantes francesas yeyés, como Femmes de Paris.

[Continúa...]

[Parlé:]
Il est sept heures du matin
Faut s'réveiller
Ah ! j'ai sommeil !

Bon alors, un peu de musique
Pour se mettre en train
J'sais pas, moi
Quelque chose comme
[Chanté:]
"Talking about my ge-ge-ge-generation"
Ouais ! C'est pas tout à fait ça !

[Parlé:]
J'trouve plus ma brosse à dents !
Où est-elle passée, celle-là encore ?
La bleue est à mon père
La rouge est à ma mère
La jaune est à mon frère
Z'avez pas vu ma brosse à dents ?

Tiens ! On est lundi aujourd'hui
Ah ! Pour demain, j'ai un devoir d'anglais
Hum ! J'aim'rais bien avoir Paul McCartney
Pour m'aider !
J'ai envie de mettre un disque
Pour embêter les voisins
Qui roupillent toute la journée
Quelque chose comme un bon Elvis Presley
Ah ! C'est vrai, celui-là, il en est resté à
[Chanté:]
"Be bop boum rock bam boum"

[Parlé:]
Un peu d'eau sur la figure
Pour me réveiller
Le dodo c'est terminé !
Je suis presque prête et ça va beaucoup mieux
Je mets mon shetland rouge ou bien mon shetland bleu ?
Mon shetland rouge ?
Mon shetland bleu ?
Hum ! Mon shetland rouge ...

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El timo del banco africano (II): 3 dislates por renglón

Seguimos con la correspondencia con mi timadora africana favorita. Parece que o no entiende bien el inglés o no lee las respuestas o es que directamente es subnormal. Tomad asiento, que vamos allá:

Hello My Dearest,
Compliment of the season. I appreciate your concern and your willingness so far please l wan't you to come out and be bold enough for assisting me, the most
important thing I need from you right now is your honesty and trustworthyness. I choose you in this transaction, based on my present status here in Dakar as a refugee under asylum.
According to the financial governing laws of this country, people under refugees
are not allow to participate into monetary transaction or operate personal bank account with large sums international or locally.

I want you to understand more about my situation here in the camp, I am e-mailing you from the office of the Rev.Father who is pastoring at the church in the refugee camp, I have explained to him a little about my life though not everything, I told the Rev.Father about my communication and he permitted me to access my e-mail in his office computer twice a day, here in the refugee camp, meanwhile life is just not easy since I don't have any body here to take care of me,

I don't have access to further my education, no access to clean water, no access to good food here in the refugee camp, life has not been easy for me. I only surviving through the aid of the Rev.. Father who is pastoring at the church in the refugee camp,
Moreover, I went into serious discussion with the bank where this fund is deposited into, for them to advise me on what to do in order to have access to my late father's property, the legal department of the firm told me that in a situations like mine, that the best solution is by soliciting for assistance of a reliable person who can assist me
claim, receive the fund on my behalf while because of the law governing refugees on financial matters.
I then decided to contact you, hoping that with your advanced knowledge we can be able to work together, so that if all things works out for us, we can go into life partnership if you wish because I am not yet married. Though it took me time to make up my mind to
contact you and offered you this proposal of mine of which my whole life depends on.
Please understand that there is no illegality involvement in this transaction, you are going to deal with the bank directly. What I'm required to do according to the Finance procedure, is to provide you with a letter of authorisation here as my partner,authorizing you by the law of the Finance to claim and receive the fund on my behalf.

I will send to you the contact of this bank where the fund is, for you to establish immediate contact with them for the released and transfer.Finally, I am suggesting that if we can go into life partnership as husband and wife, i am really in love with you, and will
like to spend the rest of my life with you please dont delay this any more, and I am
putting my entire inheritance of my late father to your care because I want you to be in total control of my funds as soon as the fund arrives your country,i will present you as my foriegn partner for them to tell us how this fund should be
transfer to your position,So right now i will like you to send all this information as below,


1..Your complete full name
2.Your fax and phone number


As soon as you sent this informations;i will send you the contact information of the bank where this fund was deposited by my late father before his death,
My Dearest,Once again i say thanks and may the Good Lord blessed this relation,
Thanks,Yours
Nafissa,

Ajajá, ya empieza a desvelar sus verdaderas motivaciones. Pero aún hay mucho que exprimir de estos correos. Lo mejor es pararle un poco los pies y que se tenga que currar el timo. ¿Creéis que una digresión puede ser suficientemente disparatada como para que se mosquee? Si así es, seguid leyendo y ved cuán equivocados estabais...

Hello Rabiza,

Thanks for you communication. I'm really concerned about your present situation, because I myself suffered something similar when I was interned in Guantanamo internation camp. What kind of food are you eating there? I hope not pizza with anchovies, because I do hate anchovies. Do you like anchovies? I think they're the most disgusting fish ever, and ordinary fish is disgusting enough. I'm more in the salami side, but I wouldn't say not to a good piece of bacon either. What do you think? This days they aren't so good though. I don't know what they feed to the animals nowadays, but in the old good times they were much tastier, weren't they? It's a shame these youngsters of today feeding shit to the cattle. In my times we used to give the animals cordon bleu and they looked much glossier.

Willing for helping you,

Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra

Nuestra timadora africana no se da por vencida y vuelve a la carga:

I will send to you the contact of this bank where the fund is, for you to establish immediate contact with them for the released and transfer.Finally, I am suggesting that if we can go into life partnership as husband and wife, i am really in love with you, and will
like to spend the rest of my life with you please dont delay this any more, and I am
putting my entire inheritance of my late father to your care because I want you to be in total control of my funds as soon as the fund arrives your country,i will present you as my foriegn partner for them to tell us how this fund should be
transfer to your position,So right now i will like you to send all this information as below,


1..Your complete full name
2.Your fax and phone number


As soon as you sent this informations;i will send you the contact information of the bank where this fund was deposited by my late father before his death,
My Dearest,Once again i say thanks and may the Good Lord blessed this relation,
Thanks,Yours
Nafissa,

Si se ha tragado semejante gilipollez, ¿qué no se tragará? ¿Qué pasaría si hiciera un brainstorming con discos del Chivi?

Hello, Farfisa,

I'm glad that you are in love with me. Not many people understand me and lot of girls run away when they see an old cripple dressed compeltely in latex with strategical holes disposed begging for electrical discharges in his bollocks while eating a coprophagic meal. Can you believe that they say that I am a pervert? The problem is that I showed your proposal to my editor Mr. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, and he says that all this stuff could be a fraud, because you know that I'm a famous writer with some "mental inestability" who has "lot" of money and you want it. Please, don't misunderstand me, I indeed trust you with all my heart and I'm completely sure that you are honest, but if you can send me something for proving him that you are for real, everything will be easier. Note that he is German, so it would be really kind of you if you send a picture of you holding something written in his mothertongue. For example, "I am completely honest" is "Ich bin eine Dreckshure". Yeah, I'm sure this one will touch his heart. As soon as I receive your picture with that, I will show it to him, and I'm sure I will manage to do it with that, trust me.

My complete full name is Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra and my phone number is +34 8 15 16 23 42.

I'm looking forward to see your picture and show it to my distrustful editor. Another important thing. I don't want you to think that I am helping you because your money. You have to know that I am extremely wealthy in this aspect myself, but I need somebody to share my life and bizarre BDSM sessions with.

Yours,

Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra

Sólo decir que Ich bin eine Dreckshure no quiere decir "Soy honrada" ni de coña. Tiene que ver con cosas más mundanas. Señoras mundanas, en concreto. Le especifico que Goethe es alemán porque, aparentemente, los timadores africanos no están muy puestos en literatura y el nñumero de teléfono... ;-) Lo más importante, dejarle claro que me sobra la pasta.

Continuará...

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