El timo del banco africano (II): 3 dislates por renglón

Seguimos con la correspondencia con mi timadora africana favorita. Parece que o no entiende bien el inglés o no lee las respuestas o es que directamente es subnormal. Tomad asiento, que vamos allá:

Hello My Dearest,
Compliment of the season. I appreciate your concern and your willingness so far please l wan't you to come out and be bold enough for assisting me, the most
important thing I need from you right now is your honesty and trustworthyness. I choose you in this transaction, based on my present status here in Dakar as a refugee under asylum.
According to the financial governing laws of this country, people under refugees
are not allow to participate into monetary transaction or operate personal bank account with large sums international or locally.

I want you to understand more about my situation here in the camp, I am e-mailing you from the office of the Rev.Father who is pastoring at the church in the refugee camp, I have explained to him a little about my life though not everything, I told the Rev.Father about my communication and he permitted me to access my e-mail in his office computer twice a day, here in the refugee camp, meanwhile life is just not easy since I don't have any body here to take care of me,

I don't have access to further my education, no access to clean water, no access to good food here in the refugee camp, life has not been easy for me. I only surviving through the aid of the Rev.. Father who is pastoring at the church in the refugee camp,
Moreover, I went into serious discussion with the bank where this fund is deposited into, for them to advise me on what to do in order to have access to my late father's property, the legal department of the firm told me that in a situations like mine, that the best solution is by soliciting for assistance of a reliable person who can assist me
claim, receive the fund on my behalf while because of the law governing refugees on financial matters.
I then decided to contact you, hoping that with your advanced knowledge we can be able to work together, so that if all things works out for us, we can go into life partnership if you wish because I am not yet married. Though it took me time to make up my mind to
contact you and offered you this proposal of mine of which my whole life depends on.
Please understand that there is no illegality involvement in this transaction, you are going to deal with the bank directly. What I'm required to do according to the Finance procedure, is to provide you with a letter of authorisation here as my partner,authorizing you by the law of the Finance to claim and receive the fund on my behalf.

I will send to you the contact of this bank where the fund is, for you to establish immediate contact with them for the released and transfer.Finally, I am suggesting that if we can go into life partnership as husband and wife, i am really in love with you, and will
like to spend the rest of my life with you please dont delay this any more, and I am
putting my entire inheritance of my late father to your care because I want you to be in total control of my funds as soon as the fund arrives your country,i will present you as my foriegn partner for them to tell us how this fund should be
transfer to your position,So right now i will like you to send all this information as below,


1..Your complete full name
2.Your fax and phone number


As soon as you sent this informations;i will send you the contact information of the bank where this fund was deposited by my late father before his death,
My Dearest,Once again i say thanks and may the Good Lord blessed this relation,
Thanks,Yours
Nafissa,

Ajajá, ya empieza a desvelar sus verdaderas motivaciones. Pero aún hay mucho que exprimir de estos correos. Lo mejor es pararle un poco los pies y que se tenga que currar el timo. ¿Creéis que una digresión puede ser suficientemente disparatada como para que se mosquee? Si así es, seguid leyendo y ved cuán equivocados estabais...

Hello Rabiza,

Thanks for you communication. I'm really concerned about your present situation, because I myself suffered something similar when I was interned in Guantanamo internation camp. What kind of food are you eating there? I hope not pizza with anchovies, because I do hate anchovies. Do you like anchovies? I think they're the most disgusting fish ever, and ordinary fish is disgusting enough. I'm more in the salami side, but I wouldn't say not to a good piece of bacon either. What do you think? This days they aren't so good though. I don't know what they feed to the animals nowadays, but in the old good times they were much tastier, weren't they? It's a shame these youngsters of today feeding shit to the cattle. In my times we used to give the animals cordon bleu and they looked much glossier.

Willing for helping you,

Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra

Nuestra timadora africana no se da por vencida y vuelve a la carga:

I will send to you the contact of this bank where the fund is, for you to establish immediate contact with them for the released and transfer.Finally, I am suggesting that if we can go into life partnership as husband and wife, i am really in love with you, and will
like to spend the rest of my life with you please dont delay this any more, and I am
putting my entire inheritance of my late father to your care because I want you to be in total control of my funds as soon as the fund arrives your country,i will present you as my foriegn partner for them to tell us how this fund should be
transfer to your position,So right now i will like you to send all this information as below,


1..Your complete full name
2.Your fax and phone number


As soon as you sent this informations;i will send you the contact information of the bank where this fund was deposited by my late father before his death,
My Dearest,Once again i say thanks and may the Good Lord blessed this relation,
Thanks,Yours
Nafissa,

Si se ha tragado semejante gilipollez, ¿qué no se tragará? ¿Qué pasaría si hiciera un brainstorming con discos del Chivi?

Hello, Farfisa,

I'm glad that you are in love with me. Not many people understand me and lot of girls run away when they see an old cripple dressed compeltely in latex with strategical holes disposed begging for electrical discharges in his bollocks while eating a coprophagic meal. Can you believe that they say that I am a pervert? The problem is that I showed your proposal to my editor Mr. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, and he says that all this stuff could be a fraud, because you know that I'm a famous writer with some "mental inestability" who has "lot" of money and you want it. Please, don't misunderstand me, I indeed trust you with all my heart and I'm completely sure that you are honest, but if you can send me something for proving him that you are for real, everything will be easier. Note that he is German, so it would be really kind of you if you send a picture of you holding something written in his mothertongue. For example, "I am completely honest" is "Ich bin eine Dreckshure". Yeah, I'm sure this one will touch his heart. As soon as I receive your picture with that, I will show it to him, and I'm sure I will manage to do it with that, trust me.

My complete full name is Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra and my phone number is +34 8 15 16 23 42.

I'm looking forward to see your picture and show it to my distrustful editor. Another important thing. I don't want you to think that I am helping you because your money. You have to know that I am extremely wealthy in this aspect myself, but I need somebody to share my life and bizarre BDSM sessions with.

Yours,

Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra

Sólo decir que Ich bin eine Dreckshure no quiere decir "Soy honrada" ni de coña. Tiene que ver con cosas más mundanas. Señoras mundanas, en concreto. Le especifico que Goethe es alemán porque, aparentemente, los timadores africanos no están muy puestos en literatura y el nñumero de teléfono... ;-) Lo más importante, dejarle claro que me sobra la pasta.

Continuará...